I don’t want to forget what real intimacy feels like, but I’m scared it’s slipping away.
I miss New York so much, Sandy. Honestly that trip was something I’ll never ever forget man. I’m glad you were there <3
Man I’m glad I left.
I have just woken up, it’s 10:30…I have counselling at 11, I guess that’s not happening. This will be the third time I have ahd to reschedule, I hope she doens’t hate me..
I’m slowly starting to forget what sleeping feels like. It’s 1:46 am. I have counselling tomorrow at 11. I don’t really want to go at all but I know in the long run it’s in my best interest. I didn’t really accomplish much today.. I only really did some laundry and starting reading The Last Refuge, it’s pretty damn good. I sort of enjoy the days wher I just sit at home and chain smoke in my room and listen to Interpol, but then again when I’m home by myself is when I’m the most anxious. I’m so afraid of the silence in my house. Something about this house doesn’t feel the same anymore and after everything that’s happened I don’t really know why I’d expect it to. Things can change drastically in a matter of seconds and thats what scares me more than anything. How quickly your life can be turned upside-down by one phonecall…
I woke up at 5 am today, thanks alot Prozac, I went for a bike ride and when I came I decided just to take a look at my phone. I see 1 new text.
“Chain smoking on my roof. Can’t sleep. I wish you were here.”
From: Jake Colavecchia
27/07/2010 3:04 am.
I love my bestfriend :)
I always fall for the wrong ones. Fuck my life.
I wish I knew a way to sucker punch myself to sleep without feeling it in the morning.
God the decisions in my life are so hard :’(
I am addicted to my own misery lol.
I sort of forgot what being home felt like, and now that I’m actually home it’s pretty damn difficult to adjust. It’s not even just he physicality of my home but the neighbourhood I live in. I think tonight is one of those nights where I’ll take my bike out and ride around the neighbourhood and reminisce about all the good times that don’t exist anymore. The little voice in my head keeps bringing the memories up and out into the open, “Remember when Nonno used to be able to take you to feed the birds behind the school?…Or how about when you and Daniela would go to McDonalds and just sit and talk? Remeber when James took you home that one night, and you two layed down in the middle of the street infront of your house?” Nothing makes me feel as sick as remebering all the good things that will never come back. Oh well, right?
No one hurt me as bad as you did. I’ll never be the same. Sometimes I don’t know if I’ve changed for the better or worse. I’ll never love the same again.
god damnit i’m so sick of paternity/lie detector episodes of maury.
GIVE ME FAT BABIES AND DELINQUENT GIRLS!